Dear Darling Citizens,

I have news – some sad, some happy and some fabulous.

Grief is such a huge part of life and yet my experience of it has been from a distance until lately. (This is the sad bit). Queen Mary left our shores in late 2014, and Darling Daddio followed her late last year.

Those sages of wisdom said ‘What age were they?’, ‘What a good innings!’, ‘You were lucky to have them so long!’, ‘It’s best this way’, or perhaps they say ‘Caring for oldies is such hard work’.

These sages clearly have no experience of death, and so we can forgive them, as surely I forgive myself for saying these things to others, before I really knew. And now I know. I will always want more of the ones I love, death doesn’t change that.

I have not lost them, misplaced them or moved on. They died, and I grieve.  You can lose them physically only once, yet your heart can lose them many times over. And I wait for the time it takes to recall them with joy, warmth and gladness.

They are with me each day in momentary stillness; through a gesture, a word, a vista, a breath, each recalls them to me in full colour flashback.

Luxville began as a homage to Queen Mary. It never occurred to me she was my muse until after her death, always there! Granted to me at birth and, I felt, for evermore. Her death spurred me to action, to unfeel the pain through constant motion. Going through every image of her I took, every frame of film I recorded, every memory sunk deep. Then Darling Daddio’s heart finally broke under the pain of his new singularity. Grief was a heavy silent wall that tumbled down on me, and I stopped.

Rested now, and freshly de-teared, I feel ready to begin again. Luxville arises from beneath, able to appreciate the day only because of the night. (This is the happy bit). I’m back between the studio and the state library writing with a fever, have engaged an editor, have a muses gathering this weekend and plans are afoot for a hand above the wall.

The Luxville Dolls book is on its way too! I’ve picked the paper and the cover and created the images, now just the words are eluding me bouncing around in front and behind me like peppercorns dropped from the bench. They will be rallied, as am I. (That was fabulous bit).

Thank you for your love, your thoughts and wishes for me and mine. Thank you for your trust in Luxville and the world being created.  As my old guitar teacher once said ‘You got to play through the pain!’

Love

Erin

(aka Madame Yum – In Luxville of Late)

PS please send me an image of faded glory and I’ll write you a tale. #LuxvilleTales